Today is World Meditation Day and whilst I don’t normally pay much attention to “world days” (although after writing that sentence I did actually google why 21st May became World Meditation Day and discovered it falls close to late spring, a season associated with renewal and growth in the natural world which makes some sense of it) this one does feel significant to me for obvious reasons.
When I think about the impact meditation has had on my life over the past twelve years, what stands out most is not becoming calmer or more 'together' (if anything I sometimes wonder if I’m becoming more un-together - in the best possible way!) but how much my relationship with practice - and with life - has softened over time. Learning to meet difficult moments with compassion instead of criticism is still very much an ongoing process but the more I do it, the more I notice how it ripples out into my day-to-day life.
One thing meditation slowly reveals is that our outer world is an extension of our inner world in every possible way and the way we speak to ourselves genuinely matters. The compassion - or lack of compassion - we extend inwards will find its way outwards too. When we’re harsh or impatient with ourselves, we tend to carry that same flavour into our life and relationships without even realising it.
One observation I had in the early days of meditation was how much louder my inner critic seemed to get whenever I sat down to meditate (I say seemed because I now realise those voices are happening all the time, the noise of everyday life just drowns them out). It was almost comical, as though someone had turned up the volume on a radio station that had previously just been faint static in the background. The inner commentary about how badly I was doing, either in the meditation practice itself or life in general, pervaded most sits.
“You’re no good at meditating.”
“You can’t even sit still for five minutes.”
“You’re not doing life properly.”
And in the blink of an eye, meditation became another place where I ended up berating myself and feeling like I was falling short. (I recently heard someone describe their inner critic as an “inner terrorist” which struck a chord!)
But over time I’ve created enough space through practice to notice those voices and see them for what they are: ever-changing thoughts with no inherent reality. Concepts, ideas, beliefs, clouds in the sky. Meditation is a training ground for seeing what is really happening so that we can begin to shift patterns of thinking that may have been following us our whole lives.
The thing I’ve come to realise is that meditation isn’t about becoming perfect at sitting in silence or arriving at some permanently calm state of mind (which as far as I’m aware is impossible even for an enlightened being). It’s about learning how to stay with ourselves within the reality of what is actually happening and seeing life more clearly, rather than constantly filtering everything through the lens of our inner saboteur.
Of course meditation can feel challenging at times because we’re not used to sitting still for any length of time in everyday life but that discomfort is part of the practice. Giving ourselves the time and space to sit with “what is” is a vital part of cultivating compassion because if we waited for perfect conditions in order to feel love or peace, we might be waiting a very long time.
We need some “grist for the mill” as they say. Some discomfort and messiness or moments that make us want to squirm a little or go and find something comforting (chocolate, anyone?)
What meditation keeps showing us again and again is that we have a choice, even if it’s a subtle one. To react or soften? To judge or gently let it go? And sometimes just to forgive ourselves for having judged in the first place so we don’t get caught in that second layer of criticism about the first one (still with me? 😊)
It’s only when we let go and activate self-compassion that the whole cycle slowly starts to loosen. Life becomes less about getting it right and more about learning how to come back to softness and that feels like a life-changing pivot.
In Buddhism, this practice of directing compassion towards ourselves and others is called mettā, often translated as loving-kindness. Essentially learning how to hold ourselves and other with gentleness and acceptance and with consistent effort, this energy of love really does start to integrate into our systems. The way we speak, listen and interact with the world takes on a softer, kinder quality because there’s less internal fighting going on.
I remember feeling a lot of mettā after serving a month-long meditation course and noticing I kept speaking to people with my hand on my heart. I didn’t plan it, it just kept happening. I felt so open and tender and there was this natural wish to share that feeling with others. As the saying goes, “you can only give from overflow”, so when the cup is full, make sure to let it spill out a bit. The world could certainly do with a little more of that right now 🤍
So perhaps on this World Meditation Day the invitation isn’t to become a better meditator (which is a myth in itself) but just to sit down exactly as you are and tend to yourself with a little more kindness than you did yesterday - and keep learning to love the sweet, imperfect human that you are.
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